The 48 Laws of Power in Practice

Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim

A sincere act of honesty or generosity, upfront, will create trust and cover-up dozens of deceptions later on.

Application -

Con artists like Dirty John will give a show of generosity to create trust in their victims. At first, they will shower their victim with gifts and fancy dinners. Gradually, the victim starts giving away their money, but they are blind to the con because they still see him as the charming person they met, just now in hard times.

This law refers to selective honesty rather than deception because it has to be convincing. Most people will be suspicious of strangers, and will not be fooled by outright deception. Selective honesty can come from a real place but is not the whole truth. For example, people who go undercover to join a crime ring, have to try to enjoy the company of the people they are with at some level, otherwise, it will not seem real. And next time you play two truths and a lie, make your life just a small deviation from the truth. If you grew up with dogs, say you had two cats for example.

Story -

My old friend N is someone very personable. She relates to people effortlessly and shares vulnerable parts of herself so that you think you know her. When people first meet her, they see a sincere person to who they can relate. Then like clockwork, she will fall upon hard times and reach out to her network for help. She conned me in many small ways, and almost in one big way.

A couple of years ago, she reached out to me with a business investment opportunity. I never knew her to be wise with money, but she spoke well of the people who owned a legalized MJ business that she invested in. She said they were in Humboldt so that seemed legit. They needed more machinery to create oils, and expand their product line. She explained that I could invest any amount from $5,000 to $20,000 and would be guaranteed a 150% return in 2 years. She sent over a contract and said I could get back to her in the next couple of weeks. When I asked for the name of the company, she said they wanted to keep it private, but that my contract would be with her instead.

I decided to go for it. After all, she was my friend and I trusted her. And greed was a factor I admit. But before I could pull the trigger, I emailed her with a few more questions. Two weeks went by and I never received a response. When I brought it up again later, she said something vague and side-stepped the topic.

What would have happened if she took the money and run? Would I get a lawyer and spend the legal fees to try to recoup my losses? Probably not. Maybe that was the reason why they were looking for smaller investments. Looking back, I dodged a bullet here. As for all the other ways I supported her financially, I try to think about it as a donation to a friend.