✓ DEAR PETER → PETER PARKER ¹

one.

chapter one.
( i. death isn't scary anymore )

THERE WAS A VIDEO MARKED WITH A BRIGHT YELLOW ONE. That's how Peter knew he needed to start with that one. He was afraid of what he was going to find on these, if he was going to see is friend in pain, if he was going to be in pain because of it.

But, he had to struggle through it, for both his sake and the sake of the avengers who had been backing him up entirely.

Peter barely remembered how to put in a video, a dvd rather, into his computer. He struggled around with it, his fumbling hands dropping the disk once or twice, for almost ten minutes before he figured it out. The thing that took longer was figuring out how to get the video to play.

When it did begin to play, the video popped up suddenly and out of no where. It shocked the boy, causing the spooked boy to jump slightly. Quickly his hand hit the space bar, subsequently pausing the video.

His eyes were tuned on the girl on the screen, it was her. That girl on the screen was his dead best friend. The person that he would have died for, but now he missed that chance. No one could die over an already dead person, right?

With a sigh, the boy decided to hit play, beginning the video.

"Hey Peter," the girl's voice sounded soft to him. His heart could've melted right then and there, it could've just puddled up into a mess of anything and become something of pure beauty.

"If or when you get this I will be dead, which means I never got the chance to experience most of life. I got the diagnosis the first time at the age of six, with a brain tumor then. At that point we did chemo, it shrank, and I was able to go back home and be normal. But we can back after I started feeling the signs of this one, Peter, I was given two weeks to live. And that was four months ago," Peter's eyes widened, she had known that long yet she didn't tell him a thing?

"You know, the thought of death was scary at one point. I was so afraid of it when I was eight, but now that I look back onto it, why was I? It's going to relieve me of my pain, right?" Peter nodded, he was sure that at least the girl wasn't going to feel pain. She couldn't have right?

"Maybe it's just society and how they make us believe death is scary and it will hurt. Maybe I'll go in peace, it will be comfortable and small, possibly just letting me go in my sleep."

Peter didn't want to keep watching the videos, it felt weird to be watching a dead girl on his computer. She was sitting there talking about how she thought death would feel like. But maybe to the girl she needed to assure herself, assure him. After all, she probably figured it out; he was Spider-Man.

"But Peter, I know that I screwed you over by not telling you, by just letting myself go before I could tell you that I was dying. It's selfish of me with my reasoning, I just really didn't want to see you hurt and god I sound so fucking stupid right now, don't I?"

Peter wished that it wasn't a video, that he could tell her that she was stupid that he understood everything that she felt. He sometimes wondered how everyone would take his death, if he died tomorrow while fighting crime, how would people take it?

He understood that the girl didn't want to see him baby her, because he knew he would have. She just wanted to feel normal, for once, and not be treated like the dying girl. He understood now; maybe now that he knew just maybe, he thought, he would be able to look at her death and not be just sad. That would be his one goal, look back and remember her with a smile, remember her laugh and the way that twisted her hair when anxious, and how attached to her hair she was. He would look back at the moments and remember the pain but he would know that it brought hi to this point, where he's open to more change and accepting of different things. A point where he could think of love again and not just think of the 'dead' girl.