My human mate

Chapter 17

The whole night my mind kept fighting back and forth like an aggressive and competitive game of tug-a-war so much it began to give me migraines.

I looked down at my mate feeling my heart break. I had seen the look he gave me before he fainted. He was scared. Of me.

I remember the way he flinched. It was a nightmare itself. My insides curled themselves inside. I could feel the walls of my insides being carved by the memory of how he looked at me.

The whole time I could feel the bile at my throat. My wolf was jumping with joy at the fact that her mate would wake up soon, but I felt worried. What if he didn't like me for what I am?

He now knew what I was. I had hide it from him because I was scared of this. How he flinched from my touch. I would have ignored it before, but now I feared he would reject me.

Even in the small space of just two days he had already given me more that I hoped. I had gotten jealous and mad. And at the same time I didn't really care. I wanted him. I still do.

Without knowing it, I had let myself hope that I would have a future with him. Hope that he would accept me being a werewolf and one day love me. Hope that he would teach me to love again. Hope he would one day get me to break down these suffocating dark walls. To one day not fear this thing growing inside me. The way he stopped it that night, I had thought of it and hoped I could learn to control it with him by my side.

I know a lot of hopes. But now I don't even know it he will even want to stay here. He might even want to reject me. I had taken on so much these past years but I don't think I could take on this blow. It would be the final one.

I could feel my stomach swirl nauseously as the first ray of light began to touch the window. The bile rose as I watched the clock tick away.

I could see him stir in his sleep. He looked beautiful as always. His hair was inhumanly perfect. It perfectly moved to land right over his eyes. The dark russet color I loved.

As the light spilled over the window and into the room Zeiden began to wake. His nose twitched in the slightest most adorable way.

His mouth slightly ajar as he slowly opened his eyes. He blinked trying to get used to the morning light.

In that moment I closed the door slipping out. Gone.

***

It has almost been two weeks since Zeiden woke. I had been avoiding him. I carefully made sure to wake up early in the mornings to work out or make my patrol rounds and be out of the house before he woke and to get home after he got in bed to avoid him.

Thomas has been around him helping him walking again. The pack doctor said he was all better and just needed to let himself heal for a few more days.

My wolf has been blocking me since that day. The first days she wouldn't stop howling and crying out for her mate. After I blocked her for the day and wouldn't let her go to her mate, she has been gone.

I could feel the affects of her absence adding on to my longing for my mate in my actions and moods. My temper became worse and I would snap at my pack mates. I couldn't sleep at night and my fucking migraines were getting worse. I had to double the pills for them.

I would spend the worse days in my room with the door locked. Thomas has to pick the lock to get me food. It was a mess. The only good thing about them was that they were the only way I could take my mind off the urge to run to my mate.

I had been getting updates on his recovery from Thomas but I wouldn't see him. Thomas told me he explained to him about werewolves. He told me that Zeiden was shocked but accepted it better that he thought he would. Thomas tried to get me to see him but my insecurities overwhelmed my courage that that moment.