Malec Fanfic

Chapter 15

Over the next few weeks, Alec and Magnus took their new relationship slowly, getting to know the deepest and darkest parts of one another. Alec told Magnus about his struggles with self-acceptance and coming to terms with his sexuality, while Magnus shared why he had a dependency on alcohol. "I can't really control it Alexander. Over the years I've learned how to handle my urges to self-harm and my drug habits, but there is just something about alcohol that takes away my anxiety like nothing else. It allows me to be touched by other people in normal ways without freaking out as much. It makes me...numb". Alec understood what Magnus meant, but it still worried him deeply that the constant alcohol intake would be detrimental to Magnus' health. This early in their relationship, however, Alec didn't feel it was his place to tell Magnus this. After all, Magnus knew what he was doing was unhealthy and he didn't need Alec to tell him so. In order to spend as much time together as they could, Alec spent every moment Magnus was in LA with his new date, hanging out with him backstage and at his house. While they were able to bond over hardship, Alec realized that Magnus had this amazing talent at making him laugh every time he saw him, no matter how heavy the topic. This was a beautiful quality to have, and Alec felt himself looking forward to those inevitable moments of bliss with his Magnus. And he was his Magnus. No longer Magnus Bane. The more time they spent together, the more Magnus felt like someone Alec had known his entire life. The more he felt like Magnus was his, the more he wanted to protect him from the world, including Magnus himself. The tabloids, the rumors, the strict no physical contact in public, it was all becoming a lot for Alec to handle. One night after one of Magnus' shows, Alec was watching the rock star remove his stage makeup. He was watching him transform from Magnus Bane into Magnus, the guy he was seeing.

"Every time you are close to me. Most people show 99% of their affection through touch. I can feel you wanting to show you're affection this way. I want you to have that... I want to have that. I just need more time Alexander. I'll get there I just...". Alec could see the conflicting feelings rising in the man's tears. "You're scared", Alec finished the man's sentence. "You're afraid of what might happen to you if you let someone get close to you. So you keep people at arms length so you never have to risk losing them". Magnus was fully crying now as he responded with small nods, knowing Alec was right. "I know Alexander. Everything you're saying is the truth. I don't want to be this way anymore!", Magnus sobbed, placing his head in his hands. "Magnus", Alec whispered, so softly and calmly that it caused Magnus to look up right away. "I know you're not ready for me to touch you... so how about you touch me. Think of it that way. I'll close my eyes and stay still. Just show me any type of affection you'd like", Alec suggested, closing his eyes before Magnus could respond. Alec could tell Magnus was thinking about it as his sobs had stopped and his breathing slowed. Suddenly Magnus whispered, "You're just so beautiful Alexander. I noticed you're beauty out of every man and woman in that crowd on that first night I met you. And how lucky was I to find someone as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside", Magnus continued, inching closer to the man held dear kneeling in front of him. With great hesitancy and trepidation, Magnus lifted his shaking fingers to lightly trace the outline of Alec's face, noticing the smoothness and then slight roughness as his fingers glided over the man's stubble. This wasn't scary. No one had ever quite put it this way before... Magnus felt in control. He got to decide where and for how long he wanted to touch, instead of the other way around. Without even thinking, Magnus' hand was moving to Alec's bottom lip, tracing the smooth line as it curved into a half smile.

With his eyes still closed and his hands behind his back, Alec was very well behaved, wanting Magnus to know that he could trust him to follow his word. While he wanted to show Magnus that he was calm on the outside, on the inside the man yearned to connect their bodies, to feel the smooth, caramel skin of Magnus hands pressed up against him, to be undressed by him, to make love to him... But Alec reeled in these thoughts, knowing that would all take much more time. So he was still, enjoying the affection he was being given in this moment by the man who was stealing his heart, little by little, every day.